Congratulations, You Love Stealing Music

Well, congratulations.  You broke the music industry.  Yes, I’m talking to you, sitting in the library acting like you’re all anonymous stealing music and pinning stuff on your secret Pinterest account and hoping nobody will notice.  “Didn’t I see you using the internet at the library the other day?” OBJECTION! Prosecutor is embarrassing the author! “Overruled.” Dang it I always lose those things!  Well regardless of who you are or how many videos of the Beibs you’ve watched, it still isn’t right that you’re stealing money from artists, forcing them to go from 100 millionaires to measly 90 millionaires.  Shame on you.  Shame shame shame.  Keep reading to see the stolen math figures I found.

Country Total BitTorrent downloads, first six months of 2012
United States 96,681,133
United Kingdom 43,263,582
Italy 33,158,943
Canada 23,959,924
Brazil 19,724,522
Australia 19,232,252
Spain 10,303,633
India 8,964,360
France 8,398,550
Philippines 8,380,208

Holy cow.  And I thought Brazil was bad about stealing stuff.  But once again, the ever awesome U.S. of A. has won the contest again!  USA! USA! USA! “Not everything is a contest, you know.”  Well if it was, we would win it because we get the most votes or pirate them trying!  “And people wonder why the rest of the world hates us….” It’s that freakin’ purple dinosaurs fault!

Quite honestly, probably half of those torrents are Justin Beiber and Maroon 5.  So not only is America bent on the destruction of the music industry, but they also choose the music that will make us never want to listen to music ever again.  Is it too much to ask for more than two words in the chorus?!  Before you pirate, just ask yourself, WWJD (What would Jesus Download)?  The answer is Boston and Foreigner in case your brain is mush from all of the repetitive teeny bopper music.  Oh, gotta go.  Maury just released an album and I need to go…..uh….buy it.



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