Jersey Shore? More like Jersey No More! (OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH)


Normal people everywhere rejoiced at the news that a virus that had been infecting the MTV programming servers is finally being purged.  Just how the virus managed to stay hidden for so long is still a mystery (I speculate it was buried in the oblivious Apple computers in the MTV graffiti department).  But, after a long fight with zero results, MTV finally hired Liam Neeson to come in and do what he does best: kill crap and look awesome.  He hunted down the Jersey Shore Virus with the fierceness of a mythological god and the animal instincts of an Alaskan wilderness almost-survivor.  It took him mere midi-chlorian minutes to find it.  “Okay that reference was ridiculous.  That isn’t what a midi-chlorian is.”  What, you plan to call Spock and tell on me?  Keep reading to read the official announcement and make fun of underprivileged turtles.


The sun is setting on the Shore.

On Thursday (August 30), MTV announced that the upcoming sixth season of “Jersey Shore” will be its last, bringing the party to a close after three years, two continents and one lil’ bambino (not to mention countless punch-ups, blow-outs and catch phrases.)

The final season of “Jersey Shore”kicks off on Thursday, October 4, at 10 p.m. ET/PT, but MTV will commemorate the end of the show with a hot tub full of farewell programming, beginning Thursday, September 6, with a one-hour retrospective, called, appropriately enough, “Gym, Tan, Look Back.”

Okay, there are so many things wrong with those two little paragraphs than this blog could contain.  “I see three paragraphs.”  My mommy always said a single sentence doesn’t count as a paragraph, and I quote, “no matter what actual English rules say.”  To make matters worse, MTV also had the audacity to title their article “‘Jersey Shore’ To End After Six Epic Seasons.”  As if they hadn’t ruined enough lives, now they want to ruin the word “epic.”

To be honest, I don’t know enough about the Jersey Shore to write anything else about it.  I never watched it and I never plan to.  I would wager that, no matter what anyone says, the lack of viewers combined with not having enough money to pay a guy to run a camera for that show is what is actually canceling the show.  Finally, here is a tribute video to the cancellation.







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