Twitter For Life! #hardhittingnews

Scenario: It is January and you have received all of your important paperwork from your place of employment (if self-employed, read: you printed off that money thing off of excel) and are now sitting down to take a guess at how long it will take to complete your taxes.  You then glance at how much you paid in taxes so that you know how much money you need to pray and ask God to receive later when blessing the taxes.  The Federal number, is of course, outrageously high and you have to go play video games for a while so you can vent.  After your third round of winning (so you like to tell yourself) you begin to wonder with a more coherent train of thought why the government would take so much money.  What could they possibly spend it all on? The answer: Twitter.  “Twitter? Now, I’ve been believing everything you said with reckless abandon since you opened this site, but Twitter? Now you’re just making crap up because you’re desperate.” No, but if you interrupt me again I’m. “You’re what?”  SHUT UP AND KEEP READING TO FIND OUT WHY YOUR TAXES ARE GOING TO TWITTER!

Here is an excerpt from the Library of Congress website from April 14, 2010:

That’s right.  Every public tweet, ever, since Twitter’s inception in March 2006, will be archived digitally at the Library of Congress. That’s a LOT of tweets, by the way: Twitter processes more than 50 million tweets every day, with the total numbering in the billions.

Well, scrumdiddliumpcious!  I’m going to be recorded into history and be super important someday, said nobody.  50 million tweets every day was the number in April 2010.  That number is now up to a cool 200 million tweets.  Every. Single. Day.  I know what you’re thinking.  “Even the lunch ones or the ones where I tweeted from the bathroom in my immature younger years?” Yes, even those ones.  And now, two years later, they are still making good on that promise, according to (What do you mean?  Of course they are a trustworthy source!).

Gavin (library spokeswoman) said the archive will be made available to anyone with a library card, but only on the premises in Washington. “My understanding is that at this time we do not intend to make it available by web,” she said, but that may be subject to change. It’s not meant to be the Ultimate Twitter Search Box we’ve always dreamed of.

So, to all of the tax payers of America, congratulations.  You are filing on behalf of Twitter to make this project come alive!  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to start tweeting pictures of my social security number and stuff so that I can never lose it!

SOURCES: Library of Congress,

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