Zombie Apocalypse Nearer Than We Think


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(credit: examiner.com)

Folks, we won’t have to worry about open carry laws and assault rifle bans for long. In fact, you may want to think about getting a gun and brushing up on your Left 4 Dead skills. Turns out the Zombie Apocalypse is closer than we thought. The strange thing is… I don’t know if I should be terrified or excited…

In recent news, there have been reports of individuals being arrested in states such as Georgia and Florida. These people had stripped down and began attacking, even tried to eat, random people. One had started eating another man’s face off. For a while, the blame was rested on Bath Salts, which apparently is a powerful hallucinogen when ingested. I myself have never had the urge to eat Bath Salts or Human Flesh, just maybe dog food…

Anyway, the blame was quickly shifted from Bath Salts to Rabies, since some of the individuals had no traces of serious drugs.This strange new condition is being called “Excited Delirium” or ED for short. I think this is way too close to ZED for me to take seriously. Zed is slang for Zombie in case you haven’t seen Shaun of the Dead. One of the strangest symptoms is increased strength.

Floods of posts yes I believe posts travel in floods about the Zombie Apocalypse quickly spread over the interwebs along with thousands of exciting Memes. Because of the “hysteria” created, officials more like The Umbrella Corp. quickly set things right by saying that these are not zombies because the individuals arrested had never died.

So even though these Hipster Zeds have been dealt with, we now know it’s possible for humans to go all Donner Party on a massive scale, and that we are just one T-Virus away from boarding up our houses. On the plus side, that means no more Jersey Shore…

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